Read some of the sledging that goes on the cricket field. I have no problem with sledging, when we play cricket on the streets we sledge. So its quite normal to sledge when there is so much at stake at international level.
There is even a book about this called “stiff upper lips and baggy green caps” that was released during the start of the ashes series.
A WORD IN YOUR EAR: The top sledges to swear by
Oh, I remember you from a couple of years ago in Australia. You were shit then and you’re fucking useless now. Mark Waugh to New Zealand wicketkeeper Adam Parore.
Parore: Yes, that was me, and when I was there you were going out with that ugly old slut, and now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb cunt.
Now, David, are you going to get out or am I going to have to bowl round the wicket and kill you.
Malcolm Marshall after David Boon had played and missed.
THE LOADED REMARK
Why is it that you bat with a half-sleeve shirt and bowl with a full-sleeved one? Kumar Sangakkara to Harbhajan Singh when his bowling action had just been reported as suspect.
THE STILETTO CUT
Oh dear, is that how you’re going to play Shane Warne?
Matthew Hayden to Ian Bell.
For Christ’s sake it’s not a Test match. Jamie Siddons as Steve Waugh took his time taking guard in a state game.
Waugh: Of course it isn’t. You’re playing.
I don’t like you, Reeve. I never have. You get right up my nose and if you come anywhere near me, I’ll rearrange yours.
David Lloyd to Dermot Reeve.
THE GENERAL PUTDOWN
Who is your spinner on this tour? Kumar Sangakkara to England fielders while facing Gareth Batty.
From ‘The Sledger’s Handbook’, by Liam McCann (FF&F, £6.99)
like Stiff Upper Lips and Baggy Green Caps by Simon Briggs. It’s the story of a great contest – to see who can come up with the best insults, put-downs and ripostes. What goes on the field, stays on the field, the players like to say, but thankfully this rule is often broken. Briggs’s book is so full of good lines, it almost convinces you that sledging is acceptable.
But which side does it better?
1 Mark Waugh to Jimmy Ormond on his Test debut, 2001: “Mate, what are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.”
Ormond: “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my own family.”
2 Merv Hughes to Graeme Hick et al: “Mate, if you just turn the bat over you’ll find the instructions on the other side.”
3 Hughes again: “Does your husband play cricket as well?”
4 Mike Atherton, on Merv Hughes: “I couldn’t work out what he was saying, except that every sledge ended with ‘arsewipe’.”
5 Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting, 1994: “Hell, Gatt, move out of the way. I can’t see the stumps.”
6 Derek Randall to Lillee, after taking a glancing blow to the head: “No good hitting me there, mate, nothing to damage.”
7 Ian Healy, placing a fielder yards away at cover when Nasser Hussain was batting: “Let’s have you right under Nasser’s nose.”
8 Tony Greig, England’s South African-born captain, to the young David Hookes, 1977: “When are your balls going to drop, Sonny?”
Hookes: “I don’t know, but at least I’m playing cricket for my own country.” Hookes hit Greig for five consecutive fours.
9 Rod Marsh, late Seventies: “How’s your wife and my kids?”
Ian Botham: “The wife’s fine – the kids are retarded.”
10 Bill Woodfull, Australia’s captain in the Bodyline series of 1932-33, responding to Douglas Jardine’s complaint that a slip fielder had sworn at him: “All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?”